She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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