I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
