I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
as a side note pls kill me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
