u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
