We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
