thus making me awesome and them whores
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
