In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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