It's like a parade of train wrecks.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
