That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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