I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
