I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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