Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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