He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Say something about gay babies.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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