If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
