you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
