I got her a Nickelback box set.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
