i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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