it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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