Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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