we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
