Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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