my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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