Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
