I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
