im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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