her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I need moral support for this bender
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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