Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want nice things and good sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
