We won't sleep together?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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