We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
