My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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