Do you still have your period?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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