Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
