you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The air was thick with penises
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
