youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
