Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
