Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We have started to decorate penises.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
