Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
