So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
