i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
