careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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