you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
