oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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