He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
