If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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