her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
