I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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