I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
