Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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