so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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