We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
