Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
